How will children pass exams if they are never made to do formal study? How will they get anywhere in life if they only do things they want to do? People are frequently baffled by the idea that an unschooled child could be prepared for life or capable of taking exams if they choose, and I appreciate that it does seem odd when juxtaposed with the traditional education system. There, it takes around 14 years of study to reach a point of readiness for life beyond school. Since most of us went through that system ourselves, even the most trusting unschooling parent is likely to feel a little trepidation about how it will all pan out.
Wrapped up in the questions and doubts are a couple of assumptions. One is that if a child only pursues things they are interested in, they simply won’t acquire the sufficient knowledge needed to pass exams in other subjects. That they will be too far behind to ever catch up. The other is that they will lack the required rigour and discipline needed to prepare for an exam. These free-spirited children won’t want or know how to knuckle down.
For my sons (aged nearly 16 and 17), we’re in that space now where they are considering what they might do in the future, and it’s incredibly interesting. As always, the surprises come thick and fast, as does the appreciation that no two people are the same.
For many years, they have learned for the sake of learning and immersed themselves in all sorts of things without being too concerned about the future. Their curiosity and desire to delve deeper into the things they love has led them to do all sorts of difficult and challenging things, and all of these have been for their own satisfaction. They don’t seek other people’s approval, or do things simply because it is what is expected of them. I’m sure that if they chose not to do any formal exams right now, they would find ingenious ways to move through life, but they both have ideas for the future that are considerably easier to access with some formal exams.
It’s true that studying for an exam is extremely different from learning simply because you love your subject. Self-directed learning is an open-ended exploration, whereas exam learning holds no surprises and little space for creativity. Even when you love the topic, it may be stifling.
And perhaps here is where we see both the beauty and the challenge of unschooling. The beauty is that learning is precious and deeply personal to my sons. Both of them need their learning to be inherently purposeful and meaningful, and to spend time doing something that doesn’t have these qualities feels like wasted time. So, in order for them to be motivated, exams or qualifications need to form part of a purposeful plan. If it all aligns with their own intrinsic motivation, they might be up for it. If it doesn’t, then they probably won’t. Perhaps some years ago, I would have found this hard to understand or frustrating. Now, I have huge respect for their knowledge of what feels worthy for them and what doesn’t. I’m happy that they won’t just wander through life doing what is expected of them.
Speaking with parents of adult unschooled children, this is a common thread. When the child knows what they want to do, they are often happy to do whatever it takes to get there. Contrary to the notion that these children will be aimless and unfocused, they tend to have a deep knowledge of themselves, and of their passions and skills. And, they are used to being resourceful and responsible for their own learning paths.
One of my sons has chosen to try a course at our local college. It isn’t exactly what he wants to do in life, but it feels to him like a good enough step in the right direction for now, and gives him the qualifications he needs for his current future plan. He has had a couple of assignments so far, and he grappled with these until he was able to bring an interesting angle to them. We joke that whatever he does, he makes it ten times more complicated than it needs to be, but he would always rather it be meaningful than boring. So if, for example, he has to pick a text to write about, rather than go for what is easiest and most accessible, he is likely to find something obscure that first needs to be translated from another language. Instead of knocking it out in half an hour, it might take him six hours. None of which is done to impress a teacher, because he couldn’t really care less about that. But, if he feels he got something out of the task, then it makes sense to him. It may be that as he progresses, he chooses to compromise a little on this, just to save him some time. Who knows.
Our other son is equally unfazed by approval and profoundly unenthusiastic about exams that don’t interest him. However, he recently found a university course that he would love to do, and has decided to get there in the most efficient way possible. We’ve worked our way back to figure out the simplest path and he’s happy to jump through the necessary hoops in order to get to his goal, which is to study what he loves and currently spends many hours a day on.
So, what does it look like to jump into formal study at these late ages? Like most children out of school, our sons are not entirely unfamiliar with it. Over the years, they’ve both chosen to do classes that have interested them and these have often been quite formal. Their personal interests and passions have been wide ranging, so they also both have a remarkable general knowledge. So, regarding taking the exams they are both thinking of, in most places they are way ahead, and in a couple of others they need to catch up. But, even the catchup, when highly motivated and with lots of time to invest in it, doesn’t need to be too painful. Over their years of following their interests, they have acquired many less tangible skills, such as:
- They have a lot of confidence in their ability to learn and are used to figuring things out.
- They know how they learn best and, so long as they have enough motivation, they are likely to find ingenious ways to make topics interesting.
- They are unlikely to feel shame when they don’t know something, making it easy for them to ask for help when they need it.
- They feel a high level of responsibility for their lives and their choices. This translates into them putting a lot of energy into a choice that feels right, and also knowing to give up on a choice when it feels wrong.
If I could sum this up, I would say that for our family, the main challenge has perhaps been in figuring out what meaningful choices look like, and accepting that although the exam system is flawed in many ways, that’s the system there is. Adapting to formal learning in itself isn’t difficult, just so long as it makes sense and the motivation is still coming from them. It’s also important to acknowledge that other choices are just as valid and that there is no time frame on this. If one of them decides to work or travel for now because that feels right, that’s perfectly okay too.
I’ve found that my role really is to help them research and navigate the choices, to support them, and respect where they’re at right now. I know that they know themselves better than I know them. And, I also know that when they set their hearts on things, they are, each in their own way, a fairly unstoppable force.
If you’re interested in hearing more experiences of older unschoolers, you can check out the following episodes of The Unschool Space podcast.
#38 Peter Gray
#33 Pam Laricchia
#32 Lainie Liberti
#27 Ann Hansen
#23 Jane Evans
#18 Renee Tougas
You may also be interested in Peter Gray’s article about grown unschoolers.
A PLACE ON A HILL 
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