But how will they cope with real life?

Not so long ago, I was reading an article in which a home-educating mother in the UK was describing how she and her children spent the days. Among other things, she mentioned doing the shopping together and running the various errands of life as they came up. There was a disdainful response from a professional in the education system that those things did not really count, as they are things that they would be doing anyway.

Well, that’s confusing. School is supposed to prepare children for “real life”, but going about “real life” has little value. Even more confusingly, most people probably consider that school is actually “real life” and equate being out of school with somehow being excluded from “real life”.

And funnily, I remember myself right at the beginning of this journey being asked, “But how will they learn to cope with real life?” and feeling a bit panicked. I didn’t know and truth be told, I was a bit worried about that myself.

I was thinking about all of this on Monday as my daughter and I had the kind of errand-running day that that educational professional would not have approved of.

We dropped my sons off at their respective colleges then drove to a nearby town where I had a meeting with a woman about a project I’m working on. It turns out that this woman loves horses (as does my daughter) and owns two, so they had a long chat about equine things that I know little about.

After that, we went to a café. I was struck (as I often am) by how normalised it is that there are no children around during the daytime. It reminds me sometimes of the scene in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang where Dick Van Dyke and family go to the town where there are no children because they are all in hiding from the Child Catcher. Apart from a toddler with his mum, my daughter was the only person under the age of 20. Here, we chatted about her idea of owning a bakery, and the pros and cons of being an entrepreneur. We thought about a name for this bakery and looked up some French patisserie terms. We thought about other things we needed to do that day and the best order in which to do them. We talked about whether she was going to have a sleepover with her friend that week. We had a short chat with the older couple on the table next to us and asked a young woman about her dog, who was a breed my daughter didn’t recognise.

When we got home, my daughter went to our neighbours’ house to feed their cat. She is the cat’s carer for the week as our neighbour is away, and she takes her job seriously. She goes round every morning and evening, often taking her iPad, snuggling with the cat and enjoying a much quieter house than ours for an hour or so.

We then went to the vet for some advice about one of our cats who seems a bit nervous, leading later to some in-depth research into cat pheromones. After the vet, we picked up a new vacuum cleaner we had ordered, also thoroughly researched by my daughter. She has nailed it in terms of budget, functionality and five-star reviews.

This was followed by a quick visit to our allotment to do some watering. None of the children are particularly involved in this endeavour but are happy to come up from time to time. We said hello to some of the other allotment holders and chatted about what else we could plant and when the wild strawberries would come up.

And finally, we went to do the shopping. We noticed some fruit that came from Costa Rica, which reminded my daughter that she had planned to get back into a geography app called Seterra which we had all been using a lot last year. We looked for the telltale signs of a good watermelon (also thoroughly researched) and we wondered why carrots are so cheap compared to pretty much everything else. We got exasperated about Donald Trump and a few other things going on in the world, then decided that although we did need to feel concerned, we could also choose for them not to bring our mood down right now. We chatted about K-Pop and talked about supermarkets and their slogans. We discussed what we would have for dinner and came up with something we could make together. We talked some Spanish as we went about it all. My daughter spent some time choosing shampoo, checking all the brands against her black list for animal cruelty. She shared some things she has been finding out about how some big brands do cruelty-free in some countries but not others—these are firmly on the black list. We had our usual competition at the checkout to see who can guess the total of our shopping most accurately, and the woman at the checkout told us about her recent holiday to Morrocco. Then we went home thinking about holidays and where we’d like to go.

Not every day has been quite so mundane this week. We have also visited a botanical garden, had a quick dip in a very cold sea, been to the stables and spent a morning in our nearby city. But I can’t say that any of that was richer in learning than these meandering days of just living real life. Even the most ordinary day is filled with curiosity-led, natural learning. There is time to mull things over and consider other viewpoints, time to take whatever deep dive or mental tangent is asking to be taken. And, these days also hold countless possibilities for interactions with people of all ages, from which new conversations and connections flow.

And just as important as the learning are the deeper lessons learned on these days. As we go about our lives, we don’t agree on everything. There may be things that she doesn’t want to do or something she suggests we can do. She may prefer to do things in a different order. She may choose to go out and do something of her own or she may prefer some quiet time at home. She has agency to bring her voice to the day, and agency to choose how she engages with it all.

I remember those rare times as a child when I was out and about in the community on a school day—perhaps for a dentist or doctor appointment. I remember the exciting feeling that I was privy to something I was normally not allowed to be part of—all those people just happily going about their days. I couldn’t wait until I was able to be a part of that.

And so, I have no doubt at all about two things. Firstly, that my daughter is very much a part of real life. And secondly, that to live and explore real life in one’s own way as a child is a fine way to prepare for living and exploring one’s own real life as an adult.